Fruitcake
by lulu420
Summary: Heheh... everyone just loves Lulu, don't they? Lulu's stuck in the middle of some interesting conversations.. *Brought to you by Mountain Dew and Oreos* ^.^


***fruitcake***

          "Hm…….. mocha….. mocha crème… vanilla mocha… vanilla mocha crème… vanilla mocha crème deluxe…" Lulu was busy looking through the cupboards for some cappuccino. The rest of the group was somewhere in the hotel, so Lulu went to the other room to see if they had any cappuccino. The group had just arrived in Luca, and needless to say, the hotel rooms didn't take long to get used to. They had full baths, along with their own miniature kitchens. Lulu had grown quite attached to the kitchens, actually.

          Where were we… oh yes. Lulu was raiding the cupboards, hoping to find something a little more close to her liking, like French vanilla. But, sadly, the only thing she found was a load of boxes that said mocha and something else on it. "This is disturbing…  How is it that a café can have less optional flavors and have French vanilla, but a hotel such as this has more and doesn't have French vanilla? Maybe Tidus stole all of it… Tidus is going to die! French vanilla is supposed to be off limits for everyone but me! Or maybe it was Rikku… RIKKU… you are going to get it!" Lulu said with a little yell. Lulu heard a small clamor from the entrance to the kitchen, and turned around, only to be hit with a large piece of metal, which she would later find out was a frying pan.

          "OH FLYING FIG TREES…" Tidus's eyes widened. "I AM IN SOME DEEP SHIZ… " _Shiz? Where did that come from?_ Tidus was stunned. Not only did he hit Lulu over the head with a frying pan, he was going to die when Lulu regained consciousness. Wakka, on the other hand, fell over clutching his sides; he couldn't stop laughing. Lulu blinked, and her normal voice was raised to a sharp yell. "DAMNIT WAKKA!! GET IN HERE!!" Wakka stopped laughing, and slowly walked into the kitchen. He knew he was going to get it. "Ugh… how many times have I told you to stop telling Tidus that whoever's in the kitchen is a fiend?!"  "Um…"  "Are you there?!"  "Um…"  "HOW many times today?!"  "Uh… eight… nine… ten… eleven… twelve… uh…" Wakka continued counting. "Twelve…"  "What? HOW many times today?!"  "Twelve! There?! HAPPY NOW?!"  "Okay. Next time you do it, you're not going to be here anymore. Tell Tidus that again and you are going to get it! Knock it off!"  "But-" "I don't CARE!" Lulu shouted. Wakka stormed out of the kitchen and went back to his room. "Ugh… Lulu… thinks she knows everything… Mr. Tinkles???"  Mr. Tinkles was Wakka's pet squirrel from Djose Temple. Yuna wanted a couple days off from her pilgrimage, much to Auron's surprise, and wanted to stay in Luca, so they went back to Luca. Kimahri was still getting used to the fact that the little squirrel thing that followed him around everywhere was now Wakka's pet. Kimahri was still recovering from when he had to 'babysit' the squirrel on the airship ride from the Zanarkand ruins to Luca. 

          Anyhoo… back to our story. The 'overly large' squirrel jumped up onto the bed with a thump and staggered over to Wakka. "Good squirrel thing…" Wakka pet the squirrel. "Stupid Lulu… Come on Mr. Tinkles… I guess we're not wanted here anymore. Pack your stuff." Mr. Tinkles fell off the bed, walked over to his squeaky mouse Wakka bought him recently, picked the poor thing up with his teeth, and dropped it into Wakka's rolly-backpack he thought he just had to have for his blitzball gear, which he always wore anyways, and never used. He did the same with his little cans of food and the rest of his toys Wakka bought him, and even his little pillow. He then climbed into the backpack and stuck his face out. "Okay, ready Mr. Tinkles?"  The squirrel did some odd squeaky noise, and tried to get back out of the backpack. Wakka walked over and opened the window, and made sure the bungee cord was safely attached to the top of the hotel. He got in the seat thing, and set his backpack beside him and strapped himself in.

          "Hm… I wonder what Wakka is doing…" Lulu said. "I really don't wanna know…" Tidus responded.

          "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Wakka squealed. "THE BUNGEE COOOORD!! NOOOOOOOO!!!" Apparently, the bungee cord had snapped because of Wakka's backpack, and… well… you get the idea. No more on the subject.

          Mr. Tinkles went cataleptic and Wakka, at the moment, was nervously shoving the broken bungee jumping equipment behind the now dented flowering green shrubbery on the side of the hotel. 

          "What was that?" Lulu asked, rather suspiciously. "Oh, probably just Wakka trying to bungee jump out the window again…" Auron stated out of nowhere, suddenly appearing in the kitchen doorway. Meanwhile, Tidus was ignoring Lulu's 'ouch that hurts' and 'leave my eye alone', as he patched up her forehead. "OUCH! WATCH IT!" Lulu shrieked, "it's not like I need any more freaking bruises! Tidus you're dumber than a box of rocks!"  "What bruises???" Tidus asked, sarcastically, not wanting to get into the subject. "WELL, there's the one on the back of my neck from when you were half asleep and thought I was Jecht and tried to strangle me with a color change spoon; there's one on my shoulder from when Wakka told you I was a fiend and you thought I was going to dominate the world of plastic pool floaties; there's the one where Wakka thought he'd see if you liked coffee and you thought I was a fiend so when I was getting cappuccino you tried to shove and lock me in the cupboard, and then there's the time-"  "OKAY! ENOUGH ALREADY! I get the idea! Ugh… Hi Auron!" Tidus said, making a desperate attempt to strike up a conversation about something else. He had decided on talking to the man in the kitchen doorway. Auron, on the other hand, was slightly shocked. He had no apparent idea that Tidus had ever done those things, but then again, you know… Tidus is dumber than a box of rocks most of the time.

          Anyways… where were we… Lulu shrugged off the thought of the incidents, and brought upon herself something new to think about- Wakka and bungee jumping out the 5th floor window. "I just can't believe he hasn't stopped trying to get out of that window- he knows that he's not going to make it to the ground without losing consciousness…" Yuna implied. "But then again," Rikku chimed in, "he isn't exactly the brightest thing on two legs, and I know that everyone knows he isn't going to get it through his head that he isn't going to make it down there safely. I feel sorry for that poor cat, Mr. Tinkles." "It's a squirrel," Auron reminded her. "OKAY WHATEVER! POOR SQUIRREL! HAPPY?! ANYWAYS…  He didn't do anything wrong at all and here he is, going unconscious, and no one else even says 'oh poor squirrel'!" "Kimahri thinks Rikku not brightest thing on two legs. Kimahri despise little squirrel Wakka carry around and make Kimahri watch. Kimahri want to jump off cliff."  "OOOOKAY Kimahri… uh… wonderful accusations… Anyways, Rikku, calm down… I thought you didn't even feel the slightest bit of affection towards that squirrel!" Lulu added. "Hey! That's besides the point-"  "You know very well it's not, Rikku."  "I want a donut…" Tidus said out of nowhere. Every one stopped what they were doing, minus Tidus who was still patching up Lulu's forehead wound from the frying pan. "What?" He continued. Lulu sighed. "Tidus, are you sure you haven't always had mental problems?"  "What are those?"  "That's it… I give up…" Lulu stated, deciding she was getting into no more conversations with him.  Yuna made a desperate attempt to strike up another conversation. "Where shall we have dinner tonight? Shall we eat here, or go out?" Silence. Yuna sighed. "Hm… how about we go to the Sphere Theater?" Realizing that wasn't going to work either, she decided on plan X, whatever plan X was. "Well then, I am going in my room to take a nap. I shall be back later." Yuna left for the hotel room she stayed in with Lulu and Rikku. "I am going to find some entertainment.." Auron just plain out left the hotel. Kimahri left without saying a word, and Rikku decided she was going to go find something to do. Yuna came back in and stated she was going to the café beside the hotel. So, that left only Lulu and Tidus, and Yevon knows where Wakka and his pet squirrel went.

          Tidus continued patching up Lulu's forehead, her hair constantly getting in the way. "Lulu?"  "What?" Lulu said, quite annoyed, she didn't really want to talk to Tidus, it was like trying to tell Auron to stick Jello up his nose. Since everything the odds were against to were happening to her that day, she decided on asking Auron about the Jello later on in the evening. She even played it out in her mind. _"Auron?"  "What Lulu?"  "Would you do me a favor?"  "Depends on the favor."  "Would you stick Jello up your nose???" Then she would put on a sad little puppy dog face until he did. Then she would laugh and would finally have something to hold against him._  "Lulu?"_ She would continually embarrass him until he agreed to dress up in a maid's outfit and clean everyone's hotel rooms. _ "Lulu?" _Then she would embarrass him even more until he agreed to call Kimahri 'daddy' for a couple of days. _ "Lulu?!"  "WHAT?!" Lulu said, angry at Tidus for interrupting her evil scheme she was planning for the remainder of the vacation.  "I'm done." "Oh. Okay then." Tidus stared at Lulu for a moment, and then something no one could have planned on popped out.  "I think you smell like strawberries." Lulu fell out of her chair, got up, and left.

          Soon after, everyone arrived back at the hotel, and met in the guy's room because Yuna called a meeting. "I think we shall go to a café tonight, I'm sure you all are hungry. They have a special on their strawberry crème pies!" Lulu shuddered at the thought of strawberries, and was reluctantly reminded of her previous encounter with Tidus. Tidus, on the other hand, wasn't even paying any attention to Yuna. He had found a sudden interest in Auron's shoe. "Then.. We shall go to the Sphere Theater. I must buy a movie sphere so I can record the rest of our vacation together." Yuna smiled at her remark. She already had a large collection of spheres. "I have to go pee…" Rikku blurted out. "Um… that's great Rikku…" Wakka declared, "go ahead and pee if you have to, Rikku."  "But it's scary all alone in there. No one will be able to rescue me if I fall in and get stuck because I'll have the door locked! Wakka, will you come in with me???"  Silence. "My bum fell asleep…" Tidus blurted out. All of the sudden, everyone started staring at Tidus. "LULU!"  "So, we're going to a café, right?" She tried desperately to continue the previous conversation. Tidus ran over to Lulu. "I THINK I AM GOING TO DIE!!! THE PYREFLIES ARE TAKING OVER MY BUM!!!"  Tidus hugged Lulu and began crying. Everyone was still staring, and would continue to stare. Sitting, and staring. After a while, there was still, sitting and staring. Yuna broke the silence. "Do you want to go to the café now?" Everyone got up and headed towards the door, minus Tidus and Lulu. Lulu couldn't move because Tidus had permanently latched himself to her arm. She decided to try to move anyways. "Tidus, let go of my arm."  Silence. "Tidus, let go of my arm." More silence. Lulu sighed. MORE silence. "Kimahri think Tidus homosexual."  Everyone stopped their sitting and staring and looked at Kimahri. Kimahri shrugged. "Was that an attempt to bring up a conversation or are you not kidding?" Rikku blurted out.  "Kimahri think Auron should know what Kimahri is talking about." Auron looked around nervously. "Kimahri think Auron is mad because Tidus paying too much attention to Lulu."  "Auron?" Lulu asked. "Um… yes Lulu?"  "Nevermind." _Great Lulu, missed your chance to ask him to stick the Jello up his nose…_ Lulu mentally slapped herself.  Yuna looked around warily, not wanting a fight to break out between Lulu and Auron, again. She knew neither of them would keep their mouths shut.  "Fruitcake."  Lulu blurted out.  "Not funny." Auron replied.  Yuna stepped in. "OKAY… I say we should go to the café now, how about it? I take that as a yes."  "But no one said yes-" Wakka interrupted. "I DO NOT GIVE A MONKEY'S BUM IF NO ONE SAID YES, WE ARE GOING TO THE CAFÉ." With that, Yuna led everyone out of the hotel, towards the Luca Café.

          "How many will be eating?" The waitress turned to Lulu. "Seven."  "Smoking or non?"  "Non." The waitress was getting seven menus, and the group was looking around the nicely decorated café.  Meanwhile, Tidus was quite intrigued by the 'let us seat you' sign.  Tidus walked up to the waitress. "What do you mean by 'let us seat you'?"  The waitress looked up at Tidus, and decided to scare the customer. She marked down 'unsuspecting victim 947' on a piece of paper. "Hey, I'm talking to you!" The waitress looked up at Tidus again, this time, she came out from behind the counter with the seven menus. Tidus continued his question. "What do you mean by 'let us seat you'?"  The waitress giggled a bit, and winked at Tidus.  She led the group to a booth in a well-lit corner.

          "This is quite a nice dinner, is it not?" Yuna looked over at the rest of the group, content with their meals.  Silence.  "Lulu…"  "WHAT TIDUS…"  "The girl that winked at me put hair in my ketchup…"  "So? What am I supposed to do about it?"  "Lulu?"  "WHAT TIDUS?!"  "Can I have your ketchup?"  Lulu sighed.  "Tidus, why don't you just walk the three feet to the ketchup dispenser and get some more ketchup?"  "I'm scared… I think the girl that put hair in my ketchup is stalking me…"  "Tidus? Who would you want to stalk you? You're not that intriguing so get over it.  I think you're too full of yourself."  "I think that's really hot…" Auron blurted out.  Everyone stopped eating and looked at Auron. "What?" Auron suddenly found his mashed potatoes interesting.

          Tidus reluctantly got up to go to the ketchup dispenser. He hid behind a chair at a nearby table, humming the theme from Mission Impossible. "Tidus? What are you doing?!" Lulu exclaimed. "Getting ketchup. I am going to defeat the one who stalks me! Joy to the fishies!"

Lulu sighed and decided to ignore him. She resumed eating her dinner. Meanwhile, Tidus was past the ketchup dispenser and crouching in front of the counter. He saw some kid getting a kid's meal with a fishy toy in it, and he got a crazy idea.

          "JOY TO THE FISHIES IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA! JOOOOY TO YOU AND ME! BREAK IT DOWN NOW!!!" Tidus had jumped on a nearby table and was singing a song about fish.

**hehehe…. I'll do the next chapter whenever I get around to it ^.^ until then, you'll just have to live with this one ^_^**

*lulu420*


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